on clothes sex and all related matters.
i went to the buena park mall yesterday, by my lonesome.
i finally decided that, for one reason or another, mr. oxford hoodie had overstayed his welcome. (though the fact that i’m presently wearing him may give him the wrong idea).
i saw some middle schoolers from oxford walking by, and put on a “i-don’t-know-if-you-recognize-me-but-i-recognize-you-so-i’m-going-to-suppose-that-you-recognize-me-and-being-that-i’m-older-than-you-will-ignore-you” sort of look.
which i’m quite certain established a sense of hierarchy, and some form of respect.
after seeing it for months, and not going in, i ventured into the men’s floor of steve and barry’s.
i had what scientists and fetishists everywhere might call a “clothesgasm.” or, a ‘gasm of the clothes.
within two or three minutes, i had found some nice pants and a reasonably ok looking jacket.
upon trying them on, i had what i would call multiple clothesgasms.
as in, a “dear god i don’t look dirty, let’s make sweet hungarian love” sort of moment.
so i bought them for a total of 18 dollars.
yayz.
with my mall mission over within minutes, i had to occupy my time with, well, something.
so i went to gamestop, where i saw the same middle-schoolers. i decided to spare them the shame of another visual beating.
a kid and parent pair had found their way into the store.
one which i found hilarious.
why hilarious?
because they had absolutely no fucking idea what they were talking about.
let me explain.
first, they traveled to the pc games section, where they demanded the service of an employee. upon finding the sims 2 (which the girl needed because she had bought an expansion pack without it), the dad was bitching about the fact that it couldn’t be installed on 2 computers. to which the daughter replied:
“It doesn’t matter dad. Your computers slow anyway. It can’t even play youtube.”
at which point i cringed.
i looked at the employee, hoping that she would mention the fact that computer specs have absolutely nothing to do with an internet connection.
she said nothing.
things got worse.
i was now behind them, looking for half life 2 (one of the games that my computer can actually run, at least according to dell.)
the girl pointed towards world of warcraft. in what must have been an “i feel smart” moment for the girl, she casually mentioned that the warcraft games started out as an online MMO and eventually became a series of strategy games, which her friend was now ‘playing all the time.’
i didn’t know whether i should laugh and cry or just tell her how incredibly wrong she was.
i did neither.
when she mentioned that she needed “simcity 1” to play a more recent version of simcity (presumably societies), i knew that i needed to leave, lest my sanity and patience leave me like a witty metaphor.
so i grabbed final fantasy x and left. (which has been pretty magnificent so far, save for the fact that only 20ish minutes of the 3 and a half hours has been actual playing, but i digress, and hope that i’m using the phrase “but i digress” in a not so asinine manner.)
i then caught the 6:30 showing of iron man, and ended up having to sit in the 2nd row. which was rather annoying, especially when some ghetto-fabulous couple are saying “that’s baaaaaad” and “ohmagawd watch out!” every-other-fucking minute.
fuck.
but yes. the movie was good, i ate some sbarro, waited for my dad outside h-wal*mart, and all was h-well in kennyland.
h added for significance.
grover added as means of conclusion.
1 year ago